19 January 2010

soy milk and almond milk ARE NOT MILK

So we all remember Lewis Black's bit about soy milk.

Soy milk. There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice, but they couldn't sell soy juice because any time you say soy juice, you actually start to gag. ... We all know there is no soy milk because there is no soy titty, is there?

But honestly, he's right, isn't he?
Khya recently bought some AlmondMilk. Did he mean almond flavored soy milk? or almond flavored real milk? No, just almond milk. Milk made from almonds. But there is no almond titty either, so what in the world is he talking about?
I was so confused, and it didn't taste very good at all. But what I realized was, actually, it was more gratifying if you didn't go into the tasting experience with the milk-expectation. I insisted they think of it as juice and it would taste better. For me it did, anyway.

But what makes something a milk and what makes something a juice? Juice is always fat free? That's why coconut __ is coconut milk. ? Perhaps. Or maybe the only stipulation for being a milk is that it looks like milk. moocowfuckmilk, that is.
According to the dictionary,

milk is:
1. an opaque white or bluish-white liquid secreted by the mammary glands of female mammals, serving for the nourishment of their young.
2. this liquid as secreted by cows, goats, or certain other animals and used by humans for food or as a source of butter, cheeses, yogurt, etc.
3. any liquid resembling this, as the liquid within a coconut, the juice or sap of certain plants, or various pharmaceutical preparations.
juice is:
1. the natural fluid, fluid content, or liquid part that can be extracted from a plant or one of its parts, esp. of a fruit: orange juice.
2. the liquid part or contents of plant or animal substance.
3. the natural fluids of an animal body: gastric juices.
4. any extracted liquid.

So it seems like technically, according to definition #4 of juice, milk must be a subset of juice.

I looked for anything that might be called almond juice instead of almond milk. I found a Chinese product called LOLO Almond Juice, but it has the same ingredients as almond milk--ground almonds and water blended together.
Wiki also issues this warning: users should be cautious not to use bitter almonds, since the combination of bitter almonds and water releases cyanide.
... And coconut juice redirects to coconut water, which is completely different. Coconut water is the clear liquid inside young coconuts (fruits of the coconut palm), not to be confused with coconut milk. As the fruit matures, the coconut water gradually is replaced by the coconut meat and air. A very young coconut has very little meat, and the meat is very tender, almost a gel. Coconut milk is a sweet, milky white cooking base derived from the meat of a mature coconut.
I *guess* we can call it almond milk... but I think you'll have a better time if you think of it as almond juice.


Caleb said...

Moocowfuckmilk. I like it.

Caleb said...

Also, I am at the moment eating a bowl of Cap'n Crunch with soy milk.

Chela said...

Walker said:

Not sure what to tell you. Didn't you learn in Black History Month in like 4th grade how George Washington Carver discovered a milkish substance made out of peanuts? If you can make it out of one pseudo-nut, I'd think you can make it out of any.

I was always under the impression that "milk" implied that it was an emulsion of fats and water. Or at least that it had to be an emulsion, to be milk. This almond product is clearly an emulsion.

Also, there is a law stating that only 100% pure juices can be sold as "fruit juice".

* 1/21/2010 2:27 AM

Chela said...

Brandon Keown said:

Indeed, in fact most milk that you buy at the store is so chemically different that the white liquid that exists a cows udder or a goat's udder that it should not qualify as milk either.

People just try to hide the fact that they are selling crap by calling it something else and getting away with it because the soy industry in particular is so powerful (several senators, house reps, and key political influences worked for Monsanto before being elected, they own 92% of all soy produced in America, see Food, Inc. the documentary for more information).

It's nice to see people question things, or at least become more educated :-P....

Chela said...

Nicholas Behan said:

Your logic makes me happy XD